To be honest, they didn’t do a good job at all. I was disgusted with the way they handled things.

My boyfriend had to take me, and when he told them I had attempted suicide all they said was “Okay, take a seat.” and made me sit there for three hours, with pills in my system. Then, when they finally gave me attention they took a blood test then made me wait another a few hours, asked me some questions and when I told them I still felt ‘upset’ they said “Okay, be careful.” and sent me home.

Of course, considering I was in a very vulnerable state, I felt like even a hospital didn’t care about me, and only made me feel worse and want to do it more. Luckily, my boyfriend did care and took a few days off to keep an eye on me. If he didn’t, I don’t know what would have happened.

If this is true, please don’t. I’m here for you, and I know there are others there too. Maybe add me on Facebook, or something, and we can talk? Because I know that there are so many people who think of you as a hero if you held your head up high and stayed strong.

Because you can never come back. I know how hard it is. And how tempting. I’ve been there, and it feels like it’s not only the best option but the only option. But you can do this. I know you can, whether I know you or not.

You may not believe in God, but I do. And God would never give you something you can’t handle.

Everything will be alright in the end, if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

It was cold, and the wind seemed to blister her skin. She felt uncomfortable, but didn’t have much choice. He was standing directly between her and her only chance of escape. Looking at him, she didn’t feel as though she’d ever known him in her life. All the years they shared, the memories, the love making, the secrets. Those were things nobody could ever forget. And yet, standing right in front of the man she once laid in bed, naked with, the man she once stood in front of in a church, she could not look at him as anything more than a stranger. Because at this moment, that’s all he was.
“What are you doing here? If you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here.” his voice was hoarse, almost child like. She couldn’t tell if he were crying, or just trying to hide fury.
“I never said I didn’t care…” her voice was nothing more than a whisper. Goosebumps had risen on her arms, legs and breasts, but the cold that had wrapped itself around her was nothing compared to standing in front of the man she had once loved, and have love her back, knowing that no matter how much she may want too, she couldn’t consume herself in him.

Reading in the bath. Perfection.

It’s hard to move on, you know. Even if you find the perfect person for you. The person that you know you’re meant to be with. The person it’s just easier to be with. The person you were made to be with. But sometimes there will always be that person, that no matter what happens, you want to be with.

You can try with all your might to move on, and sure, you may even find someone you love even more, but that other person with always be in the back of your mind during every tear, every fight, every lonely moment, every heartache, and even though you know they’re not the one for you, part of you always wishes they were.

But I guess that, sometimes the person you’re meant to be with, and the person you want to be with, can be different people, and they get a little mixed up, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve happiness. All I know is, that at the end of the day, life happens, you just have to learn to go with it.

360 talking about suicide.

JUST CAME IN THE MAAAAAAIL, AHHHHHHHFJDKSLSNFBD.

So, here goes.

I’ve decided to move back to Melbourne. Out of all honesty, while I’m slightly excited, I’m also getting quite a lot of anxiety over it. It may not be as bad as I’m making it out to me, but I’m happier up here.
I decided to move back because of my lack of a job, and home. So really, I have no choice. And there’s also the fact that with what’s going on, my Nan needs me right now.

I’ve also decided to go back to school, but only if the school I went to was Brentwood (the same school as my sister) and first I was told that there were no more positions for me, which was a let down. But later on in the day, my Mom recieved a call from the school, informing her that I had been accepted into the school. I feel like that was God, and that it’s meant to be, which helps the anxiety a little.

I’m also eventually going to try and get a job, but not for a while because I don’t want to overwhelm myself.
I’m going to move in with my Nan, and have the whole upstairs room to myself, so I’m super excited about that. I’m going to renovate it, and turn it into my own little hideaway, which should be a neat little project for me, so again, I’m excited about that.

I am going to miss my boyfriend and awful lot though, and it’s going to be tough not seeing him everyday, but I’m sure we’ll manage. I feel that we’re meant to be, so I’m sure we’ll be okay. Besides, he’s just started doing a course, so he’ll be busy with that, and now I’m going to be busy with school, and hopefully a job.

At the end of the year, my boyfriend and I are going to Daydream Island for a holiday, so that’s also keeping me inspired and motivated to save up in order to afford it. So this year should hopefully be my year, considering the past few years haven’t been. 

Bought a new apartment for Chandler, aw.